You're my inside joke.

The name we made up for you- that code name- rolls off my tongue with the same lightness that your real one does. In my mind your real name kind of sucks now. But that's probably just because I see it everywhere.

That used to bother me. Seeing your name everywhere used to bug the shit out of me. But then there were two weeks when I didn't see you anywhere, so there was this driving motif in my brain. Nothing but thinking of "you. you. you." when am i going to see you again.

Because seeing you everywhere and constantly being sure you didn't see me anywhere left me flustered. So the world was always reminding me of you. But then I had something to blame. Yes, I'm saying the world is something to blame. You have a problem with that?

But when I'm the one reminding me of you. That's a problem. I can shut the world out of my brain, but how am i supposed to get my brain to shut you out of itself? So even when you're there, kind of... I'm still not sure, I had to think of an excuse for why you're not talking to me anymore.

I worry that if you're not talking to me anymore, you don't care about me anymore. This bothers me more than it should, I mean... who's to say you ever cared about me in the first place?

So we made up an explanation. It's not you. It's your mother. She's the one up at 2 in the morning. She's somehow stolen your identity. She's using your means in order to talk to her knitting circle back home. Yes, it's the only possible explanation.

So now you're the old lady who knits late nights.

Congratulations. You're an inside joke. =]