Drift

I haven't posted anything on here since January, similarly I haven't had much quality time to spend with my friends. I feel like I'm drifting again. I'm sailing out to sea, all alone and I don't know if I want to come back. It's not that I don't like where I was docking, it's just that I don't really remember what it was like to be docked, and I don't know if I want to.

Anyway, I feel myself acting like an arrogant bitch, smiling, laughing giggling at things, talking about my life like it's something exciting. I'm actually sort of miserable. At this point, a normal person would turn to her friends, but I don't like doing that. I don't like weighing them down because this thing- this drift- it's not some rare occurrence. It's something I'm way too used to, something that happens just one time too often.

My life isn't going the way it should, and it's really off-putting. There's a lot to deal with, and I find myself revolving around the things that don't matter so I won't have to think about the things that are really bothering me. I can't think about those things that truly bother me because that would be like falling into this hole of misery that I don't know if I can climb out of. So I think I'm going to try to just drift. And maybe, once these things resolve themselves, I'll swim back because I'll want to. I know that you guys can deal with me at my worst, but that doesn't mean you should have to. With you all, I just want to be my best, and I don't know how long I can keep that up. Not today. I can be a lot of things these days, I just don't think I can be myself.