Not Necessarily Not the Truth

I express discontent with myself. He asks what's wrong. I respond cryptically. He asks for clarity and all I can say is that "I did not say what I meant, I did not mean what I said, at least not about what I wanted."

Having been so deprived of what I've wanted, for so much of my life, how do I tell someone that what I want most is them? And more importantly, how do I deal with this person belonging to someone else. I refuse to be the other woman, if anything I have to be the primary object of affection to my partner, if not the only object of affection. This is not asking too much. This is just about me needing someone who can handle the shitload of baggage that I come with.

Of course we can just mess around, and there's a certain amount of satisfaction in that for both parties involved, but I can't imagine only having half of you or that you'd be happy knowing that there are things about me that you can't know, that you can't understand. There are things that I need to talk about and that you need to know about that are more than you should have to deal with.

It will probably be easier to be with her, and you're young so I know you'd prefer it the easy way... but I kinda wish this could be like the old love songs about rather living through storms with that one person what good weather with someone else...

but this is probably more like Safetysuit: Is this the end of the moment or just a beautiful unfolding of a love that will never be for you and me /Cause you are/ You're beautiful inside, you're so lovely and I can't see why I'd do anything without you, you are/ And when I'm not with you, I know that it's true/ That I'd rather be anywhere but here without you