BEDA 8: Birthday Reflections and POEM!!!

It's my brother's birthday, and he's 18... it's so weird to think that that will be me in 2 years and a couple of months, the more I live, I see that time is fleeting...

Anyway, I wrote this poem sometime last year....

Open Letter on Not Missing Someone

I haven't seen you for three months
And it's not like people said it would be.
I do see the you I fell for
I do see the you that was too good for me,
And I feel nothing.

And yet I've learned to learn from things past
and to consider the things of the future.
I see you as I saw you then: beautiful
even with objective eyes that once pleaded
to be looked warmly into.

I miss being emotional enough
to know when to feel desire.
A change to my pace and
and all pep gone from my step,
let me know that I am far from okay.

I want to be upset that it could not work,
I want to miss wanting you.
But that doesn't change the fact
that I feel nothing towards you.
It frustrates me that there is nothing there.

I wish to vent my frustration
that I cannot find the yin to my yang.
And yet I feel no need to do so,
I'm not even sure that it's how I feel.
I want to taste the bitterness that should follow.

I am sure I taste nothing.
It's the nothing that is wrong with me.
I guess I lack these feelings
because nothing even began
so I didn't lose anything.

The ironic part is the numbness
Of me not missing you
of me no longer wanting you
and most of all
knowing that I'm lying to myself.

And the lie is necessary
the lie is beautiful
The lie houses the shattered pieces
Of the Crystal Chalice
that holds my sad soul.

And I pray to the Gods
That I don't even believe in
That the parts of me that leak out
Are only the ones
that loved you.